POSTS 14 and 14 1/2 on Sunday June 8, 2014 AND Monday June 9 2014 re: Thoughts after my position at Goodwill was eliminated

My inner circadian has now turned 180 degrees.

I couldn't sleep last night because I thought I'd miss a call from my son at 7:30 am this morning, and part of me was hoping he wouldn't call. He called.

After he called, I was able to drift off...until about 4:30 pm this afternoon.

I knew that it was easier to sleep than deal with issues in life, but I didn't realize how much my being employed figured into that.

It was easier to go to work and let the personal life stuff go to the side for 8+ hours than it was to actually have the time to deal with it, think about it, let the emotions come closer and closer. Like now.

When I was working, I was wholly on and into my job unless one of the kids or Barry asked me to look up something; that was research and I was able to tackle it surreptitiously between tasks or when everyone was at lunch. I got QUITE adept at hiding that research tab on the monitor! Thank you, Windows 7 !

Anyway, I wouldn't have to think of 'life' things unless I absolutely had to, when those issues would rear up and MAKE ME think of or deal with, them.

Think about it - 9+ hours at work (I'm including lunchtime), 1 1/2 - 2 hours combined travel time, 2 hours combined at home either getting ready or cooling off, meals, hey, I didn't have TIME to think of anything pressuring me!!

I've realized that my energy level has sunk, or that I've allowed my energy level to sink down so far that I'm trying to find reasons to NOT do the assessment at Fullerton College tomorrow morning. Between finding a parking place where I WON'T get a ticket for that length of time, walking in from the parking lot, trying to find the place where I'm supposed to go, finding the stuff I'm supposed to bring...it seems like it'd be easier for the transcripts from LBCC to catch up with my admission to Fullerton College and shine on the assessment. ('Shine on' is a term we used when I was growing up, meaning to 'blow off' or 'fagedabadit'.) I'd still have to go and find where DSS is, the counseling office, financial aid, etc. though. Usually I'd jump in with all feet, find everything, map the WHOLE COLLEGE out and create "27 8×10 color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one...".*
*Alice's Restaurant-wikipedia

Is it depression? Is it? YOU tell ME! I think I already know the answer.
Lots of times people, including me, tend to take the path of least resistance.
Easier to sleep than deal with stuff.
Easier to eat than deal with stuff.
Easier to do ANYTHING else than deal with stuff.

Just got a reminder call from Fullerton College re: the assessment tomorrow & while I was listening to it, I had a great idea! Barry can drop me off, I can find the assessment building, he can go down to the train station and have some coffee, see the trains until I give him a buzz. I don't have to find parking NOW at this particular time!!!

See, this is how I am...if a problem is far enough away from me, if it's not too personally close, I can go into my 'troubleshooting' mode. And did.
Besides, I want to see if they still have administrative monks like when I was at Long Beach City College.

I'm starting to look up all the information I need to go to the assessment tomorrow...'scuse me, TODAY, since I've been up from 1:00 AM until now, 4:18 am Monday morning June 9 2014. Making and printing out maps for me, for Bub's parking, finding some broken links on webpages for counseling, etc. I can't believe I found 2 broken links and some wording on a 'contact us' webpage that is inconsistent with what you have to do to submit your issue! Of COURSE I sent info regarding these issues. Surprising to me that they don't list a specific 'contact Webmaster' link at the bottom of their webpages.

I read an article in the Fullerton College Hornet newspaper regarding how some feel that commencement is perhaps a waste of time...
The comment I wrote is,

Commencement to me is celebrating a milestone, especially if one is not sure one is going (or will have/take the time to go) scholastically onward. Me, I'd like to compare what I looked like in a mortarboard in high school with what I'd look like now, getting the latest scholastic degree/milestone...
After 50 years or so, it'd be interesting to see the differences, n'est-ce pas?!

Continuing on in school for the next degree? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps that's I feel why the formal commencement event is valuable, to spur one on to the next level. 

One other thing-don't forget about the potential graduation presents & party!!!

Hey, if people think I'm a blowhard that uses too many big words, fuck 'em.
I'm my own person and as long as it doesn't hurt anyone except maybe myself, again, fuck 'em.
Those are the two wee small words by which I've usually tried to live my life and which are usually recited as an internal subvocal mantra when confronted with the trials and tribulations of others who bug me; or just plain ol' OTHERS who bug me.

As almost EVERYONE who knows me knows, the verbal mantra (again, two wee small words) I usually and most often use in those cases is, "BITE ME'.